Pediatrician and author Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg spoke at Gunn High School on Thursday, in a discussion entitled “Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Preparing our Children for Life.”
The key to success and less anxiety, according to Ginsburg, lies in building resiliency. Resilience, he explained, is the ability to “bounce back” after something goes wrong and recognize that “every bump is an opportunity for growth.” Ginsburg also said that part of resiliency is determining what is truly worth stressing over, using the analogy of a real vs. paper tiger.
“A real tiger is something that can chew your face off,” Ginsburg said. “A paper tiger is something that feels like it’s really stressful, but can never hurt you. You have to learn to differentiate between real and paper tigers, otherwise you’re always running. And when you’re running, you’re not able to focus. You’re not able to think.”
Ginsburg described the core ideas of resiliency, a motto he calls the “Seven Cs”: confidence, competence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control. Ginsburg emphasized confidence, connection, contribution and coping as the most important traits to have.
The first “C,” confidence, allows one to take a chance.
“In order to be able to bounce, you need to be able to take a chance,” Ginsburg said.
According to Ginsburg, confidence does not come from self-esteem, but rather from one’s own competence, a point well received by the audience.
“Self-esteem is the message of the ’90s that has created much of the problem of this decade,” Ginsburg said. “Real confidence comes from competence. It comes from people noticing what you are doing well. Really noticing, reflecting it back to you, and letting you build your own competence by letting you fall down and pick yourself up sometimes.”
Support from friends, family and teachers also plays a role in Ginsburg’s strategy for resilience. To take chances, a person has to feel as if someone has his back, Ginsburg said.
“What is it that makes me be able to take a chance, to be able to rise up?” Ginsburg asked the audience. “It’s that someone has my back. I am not afraid that I am going to be alone, I know that someone has my back. I feel deeply connected.”
A person described only by confidence, competence and connection, Ginsburg said humorously, is a gang member. What separates a resilient person from a thug is character–in Ginsburg’s words, “having an understanding of what is right and wrong.”
Once one has good character, one can make contributions to society, which according to Ginsburg gives adolescents a sense of self-worth.
“[When] kids contribute to the community, when we listen to kids, they will learn that service feels good, that service is indeed a selfish act,” Ginsburg said. “Why is that so important? Because the ultimate act of resilience is to turn to another person and say, ‘Brother, I need a hand.'”
According to Ginsburg, contributing to society also doubles as a defense against the negative view of adolescents held by today’s society.
“The other reason that you need your kids out there working in the community is not to get into the best college, not to pack the resume,” Ginsburg said. “I want your kids, especially as they turn into adolescents, to be surrounded by thank-yous. Because when kids are surrounded by thank-yous, it immunizes them from what most adolescents in our culture receive, which is condemnation and low expectation.”
Coping is the next part of Ginsburg’s resilience plan, which he emphasized in the discussion. Ginsburg advised using positive coping strategies–ones that don’t inevitably lead to more stress–as opposed to the quick negative fixes of drugs and alcohol. Ginsburg gave numerous ideas for positive coping strategies, including breaking problems down into smaller parts, letting things go, clearing the mind through exercise and proper nutrition, and getting restful sleep.
Ginsburg finished his discussion by emphasizing the importance of managing one’s emotions, warning against allowing emotions to fester.
“It’s all about expression,” he concluded. “[To] keep things from churning inside, you need to be able to express who you are.”
The community’s response to Ginsburg has been positive. Parent Teacher Student Association President Christine Chang greatly appreciates Ginsburg’s advice and enthusiasm for working with teenagers.
“I think he has really great things to say,” Chang said. “I think that Dr. Ginsburg really loves working with teenagers and I think that his message is that this is a really great population [of kids] and that we should do more to make life healthier for them and everyone involved.”